Why Does G-d Hate Me?
Why Does G-d Hate Me?
And how to move past this feeling so you can trust that the Universe has your back
G-d doesn’t hate you, but if you’re googling this, you’re clearly in pain, and I’m sorry for that. This type of pain - feeling like a Higher Power has failed you so many times that you start to think you must not be worthy - is possibly the hardest feeling to navigate. It’s like you’ve been dropped down in the midst of a foreign landscape, have no map, no sense of direction, and no clue how to even think about finding your way to somewhere more familiar. I’ve got your back! And a map!
When you feel the most lost is when you’re also the most ready for lasting transformation; when you’re most open to creating a new relationship with G-d. Though right now, you may feel more like cursing at G-d and screaming about how the Divine has failed you. That’s all valid - and if they help you feel better for a moment, go ahead and do them.
I know exactly how horrible this feeling is. I’ve experienced the deep, gut wrenching sense of abandonment more times in my life than I care to admit. You’re not alone in this despair - this desire to feel supported and worthy of G-d’s love - and you are worthy. Because I’ve been there, I completely empathize, and I also suspect that - like me - you’re more interested in finding a path forward than reading a lot of supportive words that don’t solve the problem. So, let’s jump in.
Chances are, in your search for answers - for a path through this awful feeling - you’re coming across a lot of bible verses and similarly unhelpful doctrine and dogma type of content. And… chances are, it’s not helpful at all.
I assure you, what follows here is NOT that. Doctrine and dogma, as they’re presented by the majority today, are tools of the patriarchy. They’re not actually intended to help. They’re intended to control.
So, let’s set all that noise aside, and focus on some small actions you can take today to start feeling better and what you can consider doing longer term for a more permanent way to feel G-d’s love. Because, I promise, G-d does love you and you are worthy of having your needs and wants met.
Small Actions
In the short-term, you can take some small actions to start to shift your relationship with the Divine.
Give yourself a hug. I know this sounds silly, but it really does help. Don’t use your arms, though. Grab a long scarf or shawl, wrap it around you, and pull it tight into a gentle squeeze. Close your eyes and imagine yourself being held by someone who loves you and cares for you. Stay here as long as you need.
Try a short meditation. Meditation may or may not be your thing. If it is, or if you’d like to see if it could be, this is an opportune moment to give it a shot. YouTube and Insight Timer have a large selection of free ones. Search for one that speaks to your heart and give it a shot.
Get back to Nature. This doesn’t mean the wilderness. It means a space with flowers, trees, plants of any kind. If you live in an urban area, find a park. Take a moment to look around at the landscape around you. Feel the fresh air. Perhaps there’s a slight breeze. Listen to the birds, the wind, the water - whatever sounds are around you. Feel the peace of Nature enter your heart and hold it there.
Notice small details. Look at the flowers and petals. Look at the leaves, their veins and shapes. See how each one is just a little bit different when you look closely? Remember since the Divine is present in the details of rocks and plants YOU are Divine, too. And also, since some Higher Power provides them with the conditions needed to thrive, G-d has your back, too.
Visualize yourself sitting across from G-d. This one might be hard depending on how angry you are. If you feel you can, bring to mind an image of what G-d looks like to you. For me, the visual was like a salt lamp that moves like a lava lamp. It may be something more tangible for you. All images are acceptable. Sit across from G-d. Don’t talk. Just sit and breathe. Be in G-d’s presence and allow your feelings to wash over you. Pay attention to how they shift as you sit with G-d.
Consider regulating your nervous system. Stress and trauma stay in our bodies and throw us out of whack. Wellness is like a 3-legged stool: mental/emotional, physical, and spiritual. A dysregulated nervous system colors our perception of all three. This book will provide more info and clear steps on how to reset - it worked really well for me. (Technically, this takes a bit of time, but recognizing that you might need to address your nervous system is short-term.)
Recognize that this is a moment. Even if you’ve been feeling this way for years, this is still a moment in time. And moments are fleeting.
Give one or two of the items on this list a try. It will take time, but as you continue to do them, you’ll start to feel a little more secure in the idea that G-d actually does love you. As you begin to feel steadier, you can shift to a longer-term solution so that you don’t ever have to feel this way again. (And wouldn’t that be nice!)
Long-Term Solution
In those less-than-helpful articles, they probably talked about going back to organized religion of some kind. But, honestly, if that worked for you, you wouldn’t be asking yourself “why does G-d hate me” right now.
Instead, let’s talk about building your own personal relationship with the Divine. One that doesn’t require you to accept a specific doctrine or dogma. One that does renew your soul and helps you feel supported and loved by G-d every single day.
I know from all the years I spend screaming at G-d, sobbing to the point of breathlessness on my kitchen floor, and thinking that I must be doing something wrong because everyone else seemed to get their needs met while I was floundering that finding this long-term solution is HARD. It’s also the key to actually moving forward.
The best way I’ve found to create that personal relationship and permanently shake the feeling that G-d’s not on your side is by working with the Kabbalah Tree of Life. When you’re ready to explore this more, I encourage you to take the first step and download my free guide.
Hang in there, my friend. I promise it gets better as you do the inner work.