Feeling Like G-d Has Abandoned You? You're Not Broken (And Here's Why)
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If you Googled "Why does G-d hate me" or "G-d has abandoned me," I see you. I've been exactly where you are.
Three years ago, I was sobbing on my kitchen floor in the middle of the night, convinced the Universe had it out for me. Everyone else seemed to get their prayers answered while I was floundering, wondering what cosmic sin I'd committed to deserve being left behind.
Here's what I wish someone had told me then: G-d doesn't hate you, and you haven't been abandoned. That pain you're feeling? It's real, it matters, and there are actual reasons why you feel this way that have nothing to do with your worthiness.
The Real Problem (It's Not You)
Most of what you'll find online about this feeling falls into one of three unhelpful categories:
Bible verses that feel empty. Platitudes about G-d's love that ring hollow when you're in actual pain. Being told "G-d works in mysterious ways" when your life is falling apart isn't comfort. It's dismissal.
"Just pray harder" advice that doesn't work. The implication that if you were just more faithful, more devoted, more something, then G-d would show up for you. This creates shame on top of pain, making you feel like your suffering is your own fault.
Religious doctrine designed to control, not heal. Systems that tell you exactly what to believe, how to behave, and what rituals to perform, promising that if you follow the rules perfectly, you'll finally feel G-d's presence. Except it never quite works that way, does it?
None of that helped me. And based on the fact that you're here reading this, it probably hasn't helped you either.
The truth is more nuanced and, ultimately, more hopeful than any of those approaches suggest.
Why You Feel Abandoned (The Spiritual Mechanics)
Feeling abandoned by G-d isn't a character flaw or a punishment. It's usually a sign of one of several specific spiritual dynamics at play. Understanding which one applies to you changes everything.
You're in a Dark Night of the Soul
This is a term from Christian mysticism, but the experience transcends any single tradition. A Dark Night is a specific phase of spiritual development where the Divine temporarily withdraws the felt sense of presence.
Not because you've done something wrong. Not because G-d is punishing you. Because you're being prepared for a deeper level of relationship that can't happen while you're still dependent on constant reassurance.
Think of it like a parent teaching a child to swim. Eventually, the parent has to let go and step back, even though the child feels terrified. The parent hasn't abandoned the child. They're teaching a new skill that requires the child to discover their own capacity.
During a Dark Night, you're learning to trust without constant confirmation. You're developing spiritual maturity. You're discovering that your connection to the Divine doesn't depend on how you feel in any given moment.
This doesn't make it less painful. It does mean the pain has purpose.
How to recognize if this is what's happening: You used to feel connected to G-d, and that feeling has vanished. You're doing all the same practices that used to work, and nothing lands anymore. You feel spiritually numb, like you're going through the motions with no response.
You're Stuck in Trauma Response
Our nervous systems don't distinguish between physical danger and spiritual crisis. When you've experienced repeated disappointments, unanswered prayers, or times when you desperately needed help and felt like none came, your system learns: "G-d isn't safe. G-d won't show up. I'm on my own."
This isn't a conscious belief. It's a protective mechanism. Your nervous system is trying to keep you from the pain of hoping and being disappointed again.
The problem is, this protective mechanism also blocks you from experiencing Divine connection when it IS present. You're so guarded against disappointment that you can't feel support even when it's offered.
How to recognize if this is what's happening: You have a history of feeling let down by G-d. When something good happens, you immediately brace for the other shoe to drop. You have trouble trusting anything positive. You feel safer assuming the worst than risking hope.
You're Working with Mismatched G-d-Concepts
Most of us inherit our understanding of G-d from childhood religion, culture, or family. We're taught specific ideas about what G-d is like, how G-d operates, what G-d wants from us.
What if those concepts were never accurate? What if you're trying to connect with a version of G-d that doesn't actually exist?
It's like trying to call someone on a disconnected phone number. The problem isn't that the person doesn't want to talk to you. It's that you're using the wrong contact information.
Many people carry g-d-concepts that are fundamentally incompatible with authentic Divine connection:
G-d as distant authority figure who makes demands
G-d as cosmic accountant tracking your sins
G-d as conditional love (only shows up if you're good enough)
G-d as masculine power (excluding other expressions of Divine)
G-d as separate from you (creating an unbridgeable gap)
NONE of these concepts are true, but if they're the framework you're using to try to connect, you'll keep feeling abandoned because you're seeking something that was never real to begin with.
How to recognize if this is what's happening: The G-d you're trying to reach feels like a parent you can never please. You have strict rules about what counts as "real" spiritual connection. You feel like you're constantly performing for Divine approval. Your g-d-concept sounds a lot like authority figures from your childhood.
You're Experiencing Natural Cycles of Spiritual Growth
Spiritual development isn't linear. It moves in cycles: expansion, integration, contraction, release, then expansion again.
During expansion phases, everything feels possible. Synchronicities multiply. Insights arrive easily. G-d feels close and accessible.
During contraction phases, you consolidate the growth. You integrate new understanding into daily life. You test whether the expansion was genuine or a spiritual high.
These contraction phases can feel like abandonment, especially if you don't recognize them as natural parts of the cycle. You're not being abandoned. You're integrating.
How to recognize if this is what's happening: You recently had a period of intense spiritual growth or insight, and now everything feels flat. You're not in crisis, exactly, but the magic is gone. Life feels ordinary in a disappointing way. You wonder if your previous experiences were even real.
What This Means for Your Path Forward
Understanding WHY you feel abandoned changes how you respond.
If you're in a Dark Night: The task isn't to restore the old feeling of connection. It's to develop trust that doesn't depend on feeling. This phase ends when you discover that G-d's presence doesn't require your constant awareness of it. Practices that help: Consistency over inspiration (keep showing up even when it feels pointless), Nature connection, service to others, patience with the process.
If you're in trauma response: The task isn't to force yourself to trust. It's to slowly, gently teach your nervous system that connection with the Divine can be safe. This requires working with your body, not just your beliefs. Practices that help: Nervous system regulation, somatic therapy, creating small experiences of safety, celebrating moments when support does show up.
If you're working with mismatched god-concepts: The task isn't to try harder with the old framework. It's to question everything you think you know about G-d and discover what's actually true for YOUR experience. This is scary because it means letting go of certainty, but it's also liberating. Practices that help: Exploring different spiritual traditions, Nature-based spirituality, personal revelation over received doctrine, noticing where your direct experience contradicts inherited beliefs.
If you're in a natural cycle: The task isn't to force expansion. It's to trust the rhythm and use this time for integration. The expansion will return when integration is complete. Practices that help: Reflection on recent growth, journaling about insights, applying spiritual understanding to daily life, patience with the pause.
The Deeper Truth About Divine Presence
Here's what I've learned through years of my own experience with feeling abandoned, followed by deep study of mystical traditions across cultures:
G-d is both transcendent (separate, beyond, other) AND immanent (present, within, here). Most Western religion focuses almost exclusively on transcendence, creating the feeling of distance and separation.
Every mystical tradition teaches that the Divine is also fully present in all things, including you. Not metaphorically. Actually.
The feeling of abandonment isn't because G-d has left. It's because we've lost touch with the physical expression of the Divine, the G-d-within, the sacred that's present in this breath, this moment, this ordinary life.
When we only seek transcendent G-d (the one "out there" who we hope will intervene in our lives), we set ourselves up for feelings of abandonment. Because that G-d operates on scales and timelines that often don't match our immediate needs.
When we also connect with physical expression G-d (the sacred presence in all things, including ourselves), abandonment becomes impossible. Because how can you be abandoned by something you're made of?
This isn't about believing yourself to BE G-d in the egoic sense. It's about recognizing that the same Divine essence that lives in stars and trees and oceans also lives in you. You're not separate from the sacred. You're an expression of it.
Three Practices for Right Now
While the deeper work of understanding your specific dynamic takes time, here are three things you can do today that help regardless of which pattern you're experiencing:
1. Ground in Your Body
Grab a scarf or blanket and wrap it around you tight, like a hug. Close your eyes. Feel the weight of it. Feel your feet on the floor. Feel your breath moving in and out.
This isn't spiritual bypassing with positive thinking. This is reconnecting with the immanent Divine that's present in your physical form. Your body is still breathing. Your heart is still beating. The sacred is still expressing Itself through you, even when you can't feel it emotionally.
Stay here for at least five minutes. Let yourself be held by the weight of the fabric. Let yourself notice that life is still happening in you, through you, as you.
2. Connect with Nature
Step outside. Find any green growing thing - a tree, a plant, a patch of grass. Look closely at the details.
Notice how each leaf is slightly different. Notice how plants just keep growing, even through concrete, even in harsh conditions, even when no one's paying attention.
The same force that keeps that plant growing is present in you. That force hasn't abandoned the plant. It hasn't abandoned you either.
This isn't about positive thinking. It's about evidence. Nature is tangible proof that the creative force of the universe is still operating, still present, still doing its work even when you can't feel it subjectively.
3. Sit with the Pain Without Making It Mean Something
Instead of fighting the feeling of abandonment or trying to fix it immediately, let it exist for a moment without making it mean anything about your worth or your future.
The feeling is here. That's a fact. And the feeling isn't the truth about your relationship with the Divine. It's a feeling, passing through, like weather.
You can feel abandoned AND still be connected to sacred presence. Both can be true at once. Your feeling doesn't determine reality. It determines your current experience of reality.
Breathe. Let the pain exist. Notice that you're still here, still breathing, still held by something larger than your current emotional state.
Moving Forward
The path from feeling abandoned to feeling held isn't about going back to some previous state of faith. It's about developing a more mature, more honest, more resilient relationship with the Divine.
One that can hold pain without breaking. One that doesn't require constant positive feelings to remain intact. One that's based on your own direct experience rather than inherited beliefs.
This is harder than just following prescribed religious practices. It's also more real. More sustainable. More true to who you actually are.
I found my way back to feeling G-d's love through working with the Kabbalah Tree of Life as a navigation tool rather than a rigid structure. Your path might look different. The key is giving yourself permission to explore what feels true for YOUR soul, in YOUR body, in YOUR life.
You are worthy of love. You are worthy of having your needs met. And yes, even in this dark moment - especially in this dark moment - you are worthy of G-d's attention and care.
The feeling of abandonment doesn't mean you've been abandoned. It means you're being invited into a deeper, more honest, more sustainable way of relating to the sacred.
That invitation is always available. You get to choose whether to accept it.
Ready to explore what building your own authentic Divine relationship might look like? Download my free Seeker's Guide to working with the Kabbalah Tree of Life - it walks you through the foundations of creating spiritual connection that works for YOUR unique path.